What's in a Name?

We are so blessed. We were hopeful that 2013 would be a great year, especially after the traumas we went through last year. And let me just say that, so far, 2013 is kicking 2012's ass! This year has been FULL of blessings, and we are just so grateful! We have had wonderful doctors working with us, many incredible friends praying for us...and a healthy baby growing inside of me.

We went today for our mid-pregnancy ultrasound...the anatomy ultrasound. MOST IMPORTANTLY, the baby is growing right on target, heart, brain, spine, everything looks GREAT and is just as it should be. Again, we are so blessed! The baby was being a bit stubborn and not really cooperating...not being still when the tech was trying to get specific views and measurements and then not moving enough when trying to look at other things. But he managed to see what he needed to see, and we managed to get to see our beautiful baby and hear that incredible sound of a strong, beating heart. And yes, we did get to find out the sex. We are most concerned about a healthy pregnancy and baby. We were curious, though, and did want to be able to give this little one a name and stop calling it "it." So, while we would have been thrilled with either a girl or a boy, we are happy to announce that we are most definitely having a baby girl.

Our little girl...Grey Elise.

Yes, I do love the color grey. But that isn't where her name comes from. We've had this name picked out for nearly two years now. Well, Grey has been the first name for that long, and Elise has been the chosen middle name for about ten or eleven years. And now we'll have a little girl to give those names. Blessed.

So, what's in a name? This name is PACKED with meaning for us.

June 26th, 2011... The worship leader at church sang a song, and something about it just spoke to me. Especially one line... "Grey is not a compromise. It is the bridge between two lines. I would even argue that it is the color that most represents God's eyes." 

Later, I emailed our worship leader, Stephen Claybrook, to find out the name of the song. I got that and then found out more about the meaning behind the song. I was hooked. Everything about the song and the meaning behind it spoke to me. The first time I heard the song, when Stephen sang this at church that morning, I just knew that if I were ever to have a girl, her name would be Grey. Learning more about the song just sealed the deal.

The song has to do with our journeys through life and the experiences we go through, some lasting just seconds, that create change in us and cause us to look at things differently, to appreciate things we so easily overlook. I'll let you read about the song on your own, and I hope you do (I'll include a link at the end of this post, as well as lyrics to the song, and a video so you can hear the song that inspired the name). The words have so much more meaning than you might think, and the story behind it is just beautiful in so many ways. Here is one paragraph from the songwriter that sums up part of the meaning (but it will make so much more sense if you read it on the website to get the background information!):
"probably goes without saying that the theme of the song is about making change. essential change. it’s about appreciating each small and overlooked gift that is tucked away into our lives… it’s also about acknowledging that so much of life is gray. meaning, from our perspective, things are not so simple and defined – and that’s entirely okay. for reasons beyond our comprehension everyone faces different sets of challenges and complications in their lives… some are significantly tougher than others. what’s important is making the changes necessary in our own lives in order to value more fully the people that we love and who love us back. it’s a song of recalibration. thanks to that brief interaction with that incredibly kind and brave couple, recalibration has bumped itself way up on our priority list, where it belongs."

We often don't stop to realize just how precious life is and to really appreciate these small moments that make us who we are and affect how we see the world and those around us. The songwriter wrote this based on some things that he experienced. The miscarriages and suffering we went through over the last couple years have been that for us. When you go through a crisis (or more than one crises), during that time, you realize so many things. For one, so much of life and our life experiences are full of these grey areas...where we don't always get to understand why things happen to us, complicated situations that have no explanation. We also realize that some things in life just aren't as important as you allowed them to become, and other things take higher priority. You realize what truly matters. And in a matter of seconds your life is changed, you think differently and live differently. It's hard to put into words how these moments come together to change us so much. But they have. Our recent experiences have been so very difficult, yet thanks to them, our lives are changed for the better. True, we're more aware of this raw, intense pain we hadn't lived through before. We're more broken and will never be put together the way we were before. Yet we're more aware of the beauty and love around us, as well, and we appreciate so many small blessings we get to experience daily, that we might not have noticed on the same level before. And while I fell in love with the name Grey before any of these losses happened, going through all of this to get to this point in a healthy pregnancy has made this name mean so much more to us because our journey has been full of so many of these moments that changed us and caused us to look at our lives and our priorities in a different way, appreciating things that were easily overlooked. Grey is this journey for us.

Elise. I heard that name so many years ago and just loved how it sounded. I saved it in case I ever had a daughter. Then I realized...my great-grandmother's name is Elsie, and those two names are the same but with the "i" and "s" switched. That made me appreciate the name and want to use it even more. It is my way of honoring Mom Elsie, who is such an important woman in my family. I've always felt like she is the glue that holds so many of us together, that brings us together in a way that I have always appreciated and respected. She turned 93 this January, and she is a force to be reckoned with, that's for sure. She is such an important person in my life, and I love that I found a way to name my daughter after her.

If we were having a boy, we also had a name picked out. One that is also very significant, though the explanation is much shorter and simpler. After our three losses recently, we were drawn to name those babies. When looking over a list of names that we liked for the babies, Ryan picked one out and said he wanted to save it, in case we did have a boy later on. It was one of my favorites from the group, and it made sense to name a living child this name, if we were to have a boy. Jude Aeron. That name means "praise; thanks" (Jude), "the battle is over" (Aeron). To be honest, part of me wanted a boy and a girl so I could use both of these names. I fell in love with both of them, and they both carry so much significance with what we have been through. We don't know at this point if we'll have any more children. Perhaps if we ever were to have another boy, we would still use this name. All of that is unknown at this point.

To read more about the meaning of the song that led us to Grey, please go here. The song is called 101010, by Sleeping at Last. http://sleepingatlast.com/101010-how-it-was-made/

And for those interested in hearing the song, here it is, as well. I hope one day our little lady appreciates hearing the story (and maybe even the song) behind her name.


Here are the lyrics:

101010
hold your breath and count to 28.
change is slow but i feel it taking shape.
folding over us like waves
on origami ocean tides, we sway

like blueprints constantly being rearranged.
over microscopes we plan and strain.

the finest print in the whitest ink,
before it dries, there’s no time to think.
it feels like everything we’ve known is sink or swim

but grey is not a compromise -
it is the bridge between two sides.
i would even argue that it is the color
that most represents God’s eyes.

hold your breath and count to 29.
connect the dots and cherish every line.

paper cuts and trails aside,
make a wish and hold it tight,
this time, we’ll try our very hardest not to try.

‘cause grey is not a compromise -
it is the bridge between two sides.
the shores on which our stubborn land
and restless seas collide.
grey is not just middle ground,
it is a truce that waits to be signed.
i would even argue that, from where we stand,
it most represents the color of God’s eyes.

so, let’s fold our atlas into paper planes.
change is slow, but i feel it taking shape.

Again, I really hope you will go to this link and read more about the meaning behind this song. It is profound and beautiful and full of significance. It's not a long story, won't take you long to read it, and you will not regret having spent a few minutes taking it in. http://sleepingatlast.com/101010-how-it-was-made/

Happy Birthday, Camden!

This has been a big birthday for us this year. It's one more year older, yes, but this is also the year Camden goes from being a little boy in elementary school to a big kid in middle school! I think I've been a bit in denial about it... But it's happening, regardless. Camden turned *11* on Monday, June 28th (he was also born on a Monday).

This year, Camden had a birthday party at home, and his short list of friends to have over for a cookout and cake somehow kept growing. By Saturday, we had 11 10/11-year-olds in our small living room. At one point there were more people, but this is what it was at most of the afternoon. Man, boys are wild. And LOUD. The girls kept trying to escape to either inside or the patio, whichever place the boys were NOT, saying they were looking for quiet. A couple boys stayed for a sleep-over, and I think we learned to keep that limited to one at a time for a while. Ha.

So....let's see. This year, Camden has continued to play soccer. His team won the soccer championship and had an undefeated season, the only team in any of the leagues for the town to be undefeated. they were pretty proud of that. Camden has been taking guitar lessons and is getting pretty good, though he isn't really a fan of practicing. He loves living in our new house and having lots of friends that live nearby - and living off a cul-de-sac where he can play soccer and football with all the boys nearby. (There are a lot of boys, but hardly any girls! Not that I'm complaining...) He's all about sports, and I've discovered that he would be happy to wear a white undershirt and basketball shorts every single day. He's still very big on reading, which is awesome. He's always been an advanced reader, so he likes carting big, huge novels around - series are always a hit, and he'll read things over and over. Legos - do they ever go out of style? He loves getting big sets of them, but then he makes them once and doesn't want to take them apart! (We've had to create a limit so that his room doesn't get taken over...)

Camden's really gotten better with his food pickiness lately. Not that he's overly picky, but there's plenty that he didn't like a year or two ago and now will eat happily. He always has to try something, even if he claims he hates it, and after so many tries, he usually ends up liking it. With each food this occurs, he'll proclaim "you were right again!" Ha. He will tell you that his mom is very smart - and that I'm usually right about things. Not when he's mad at me about something, but otherwise, this is the case. ;) Examples about foods he recently did not like and will now eat without complaining are....beans, rice, salad, a dish I make that mostly includes beef and lentils, broccoli, and some others I'm not remembering at the moment. He admits he can't really argue when I make him eat some of the foods he doesn't like since he knows what the outcome will eventually be (though he does try to argue anyway sometimes).

He's getting a bit of an attitude lately...the attitude where he thinks he can talk back or just not follow through and there shouldn't be a problem with that. The attitude where he knows something isn't allowed but we're not looking, so what's wrong with what he did? We've had to become zero-tolerance about this kind of thing, and I think that makes a difference. Give him an inch... Right? He needs that immediate consequence, we've learned. Thankfully it's not every day, and most of the time he is quite pleasant. But I'm sure my mother is thinking, Oh you just wait. Do you remember what you were like as a teenager? What goes around comes around, honey... Right, mom? (That does worry me. I'll be honest!)

Camden is soooo very excited about middle school. I don't think he's nervous at all! He knows there will be more work and less tolerating inappropriate behavior, but he also is excited about many of the other things he will get to do. He's signed up to be in band to play the clarinet. First choice was the sax, but his hands are too small for now, so he'll start with the clarinet. He's looking forward to trying out for the soccer team in 7th grade, and until then, he'll play baseball and soccer outside of school on other teams. He's also quite excited about having lockers at school; I think just about all of the 5th graders are! It seems to be a huge deal. The school is a brand new one that was just finished in the last couple months. It's right next to the elementary school (and high school) and is right next to our neighborhood, which is nice b/c he just walks. He just got a new bike for his birthday (thanks to all the grandparents that sent money to go toward it), so he's looking forward to riding his bike to school now. He's been in a year-round school for the past year, and the new middle school is also year-round. I think he likes that schedule (I know the rest of us do), especially having long breaks throughout the year instead of just one big one in the summer. He's always bored before it's time for school to start back with the long break, and a few weeks at a time seems to be just right.

We went to Camden's 5th grade graduation ceremony today. I always thought those were a little silly... They're not graduating really until they're graduating from high school! But now that we're here, it's not quite as silly as I always thought. I did tear up some, especially when they played Canon in D during the processional, and then the kids all sang "Heal the World." Seriously, I think they were TRYING to make the moms cry! My baby boy is growing up. Some days I just can't deny it. I'm a bit nervous about some aspects of middle school, too. I know what kind of stuff happens there - good and bad. Yikes. He's also getting at an age where it's time for me to let go more, let him make his own decisions (and mistakes), etc. Yikes again...mostly because it can be hard to do that when you know it will sometimes result in them making poor choices or getting hurt. One thing that helps, as I'm learning to back off and let go some, is that other trustworthy adults are entering into Camden's life as he is now in the middle school group at church. Another thing he is super excited about. And I'm thankful to know there will be other good influences in his life (even if they give them poptarts and other junk food sometimes) and another reason for him to be exited about going to church and learning about and growing in God.

I asked Camden what his favorite part of the last year was...his answer was simply the soccer tournament. That was pretty exciting for him! I think in comparison, the rest of the year just didn't match up! I think he's also just really looking forward to some of the things ABOUT to happen when he starts middle school in a few weeks!

Like I said, this has been an emotional birthday for me, mostly because it happens right as he's about to enter middle school and there are all these reminders that he is getting older and I'm having to let go more and more. But it's been a good birthday, nonetheless. We didn't get to go to Kentucky and have the big party we usually have (which is mostly just an excuse to get a bunch of our family and close friends together, since we see them so little), but it was also kind of nice to have a relaxed time (other than that wild birthday party night!!) and just be here together, just our little family.

And I'll leave with a little birthday picture. Since this has been a big year, where he's obviously growing up, I'm including his BIRTH day picture. Because no matter how old he is, he is always, always my baby.

My baby boy, Camden Lee. Born Monday June 28th, 1999 at 12:13pm, coming in at a whopping 11lbs, 21 1/2 inches - by far, the *biggest* blessing I've ever received. ;) The picture was taken in the hospital; Christening gown was made by my mother (and had to be altered b/c he was too big to button it on the arms or neck!). He was literally twice the size as the other babies in the hospital when he was born!

Happy 11th birthday!!

Go here for pics from the month, including birthday party pics, school presentation and school play pics, as well as pics from the 5th grade graduation.