What's in a Name? Part 2

My last post, way back in April, was to share our baby's name and the meaning behind her name. The baby that was growing in me, healthy and strong. Thriving. That baby is now with us, in our arms. We truly are blessed. Today's post is not about that, though.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Today is about taking time to honor all of those that have lost their babies. And to remember those babies.

Of course, anyone who has lost a baby knows that not a day goes by without remembering. It's simply not possible.

Today, in honor of our three little lost babies, I want to share their names. Before now, we have only shared their names with their grandparents, but we want the world to know...these babies were so very wanted, these babies were real, they have names that we can speak out loud. After we made the news public about our miscarriages, an old friend from high school got in touch with me, as she had also been through three miscarriages. She sent me a book that she read that helped her, Heaven is for Real. The book itself isn't about miscarriage, but one chapter specifically brings up the topic. I don't want to give anything away for those that haven't read the book (and if you haven't, please do!), but it was significant to us. Ryan and I both read the book, and we also both felt compelled to name our babies after reading the part about miscarriage and babies that never got to be in their parents' arms. We just couldn't shake the feeling that we needed to name them... We took some time to carefully pick names we really loved, that had special meaning to us, that could be for boys or girls (since we didn't know the sex of any of our lost babies). And here are their names and their meanings...

Honour Adiel (honor; adornment of the Lord) (middle name pronounced ah-dee-ehl)

Aine Lani (radiance; sky/heaven) (Aine is pronounced AWN-ya and Lani is pronounced LAH-nee)

Aster Sloane (star; fighter) We saw this baby's heart beating, saw it fighting to live and grow. But I felt something in my gut the first time we went for an ultrasound, that something wasn't quite right, even though we were told everything was fine. So, we moved forward and were hopeful. My body agreed that I was pregnant; I even suffered from hyperemesis gravidarum during the full first trimester, as I have with all of my living children. The second ultrasound, however, completely broke me as we learned we had lost yet another baby. You are never prepared for news like that. This little one had joined the others, in the stars...

(We debated on the name of the middle one, as nobody really would know how to pronounce it without us explaining. But changing the spelling changed the meaning, and we loved it as it was. It's not a name many will need to know how to pronounce, so what really matters is what we wanted and not what others can say. So, we kept it as it is.)

Those are our babies. The babies we will never get to hold or see or smell, not while we are on this earth. But they were in my body. They were real. And they were loved.

Dirt and sweat and sunshine

"I think kids should be kids and childhood should be filled with ... you know that smell, when your kids come in and they smell like dirt and sweat and sunshine? That's what I hope for my kids." ~ Julia Roberts

Aiden. Dirty feet. From playing outside. Barefoot. LOVE.
(Photo taken August 2011.)

I read that a few years ago, and it stuck with me because that's how I feel. Kids should smell like that because they should be out playing in the dirt and sunshine, getting sweaty, being kids. Doesn't dirt, sunshine, and sweat equal happiness??

The other day Aiden had been out playing for a while. We came in, and I took him upstairs to change his diaper. Normally shoes come off the second you come in the house (there are some things outside that shoes pick up that I do not want on my carpet, where my children play while inside - seriously), but I had carried him in and up the stairs, so he still had on his crocs when I put him on the changing table. When I took them off, there were all these little bits of grass and dirt on his feet. I just love that. Now, when he takes off his crocs and has stuff like that on his feet, he gets all "get it off!" (I think he gets this from his Daddy...) and takes time to pick each and every tiny piece off. It is cute and funny to watch him. That child doesn't like to get dirty. But as I was taking off his crocs and saw his dirty little feet, cute as they could be, I couldn't help but think of the quote above and smile.

I'm not that parent who doesn't want their children to go out and get dirty. Yes, play in the sand. Yes, sit on the chalk drawing you just drew (and get chalk on your clothes). Yes, help with the gardening and make more of a mess than is necessary (or I would make doing it all myself), getting dirt all over the sidewalk, yourself, and probably me, too. Yes, PLAY. If a little dirt gets dragged in the house when you come in (but please do remember to take off your shoes at the door!), we can sweep it up. If water droplets come in, as well, we have towels.

Now, if you're sweaty...while I might think kids should run around, play hard, and get sweaty...that doesn't mean I want you to come in and hug all over me, sharing said sweat. No thanks. (I kind of think it's gross to get it *on* me. I can hear Ryan laughing at me already. Apparently I think everything is gross, while he thinks none of it is. Of course, I also don't mind the messes that come with kids and outdoor activities, while he wants things a bit - or a lot - cleaner. Some of that kind of seems backward, doesn't it? Haha!) And I don't want you leaving your soccer socks on the stairs after you just came home from a game and they are filthy - it's not that hard to take them up the steps with you (you were going anyway!) and put them in the laundry basket, right?

I do love seeing those little toddler feet with sand and dirt and grass on them. I love seeing my too-close-to-being-a-teenage boy come in with red cheeks and sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, soccer ball under his arm, asking for his water bottle. It makes me happy. It reminds me that they're kids...being kids.

The Tables Have Turned

I told Ryan this would happen.

From day 1 Aiden was quite the mama's boy. It's hard not to be when Mama is your source of food and everything you need seems to be associated with mama's milk. Over his two and a half years, Mama has been the only one this little guy wanted when he was hurt, tired...or just about any other time.

And from day 1, I've told Ryan his day will come. One of these days, I told him, he will only want you. He'll want you to play with him and will be so excited when you walk in the door after work. He'll cry after you when you leave.

Well, folks, that day is here. It took a bit longer than I thought, but that probably has something to do with the fact that he's still nursing and is *quite* attached to mama's milk. Now, he is still a mama's boy. I'm still the only one he wants when he's hurt or really tired, too.

BUT...pretty much every morning, he gets upset because Daddy has to go to work. He asks about Daddy throughout the day. And he is super excited when he hears Daddy's keys in the door when he comes home.

I had a doctor appointment this morning, so Ryan stayed at home with Aiden. It was for allergy testing, which meant I would be there for a while and not able to chase after a little busy toddler, so we figured this was best. When I told Aiden goodbye, he was almost too busy playing to tell me back. I barely got a kiss! And he was back to playing before I was out the door.

Then I come home. He did say hello to me...and then went on dancing. I'm special, right? (Hahaha...)

Now, Daddy leaves for work... Aiden: "Where did Daddy go?" (He knew, not sure why he had to ask...) "He had to go to work, sweetie." Aiden covers his eyes with his hands and proceeds to whine and pout, saying, "Noooooo!!! I don't want him to go to work! I want Daddy to stay and play!!" It's all very endearing to see and hear. And of course, when Ryan is opening the door, coming home at the end of the day, Aiden is so excited. "Daddy!!!!" He's so in love. Whenever Daddy is home, Aiden is constantly at him..."Come play with me, Daddy!"

I could have some hurt feelings, but I totally don't. I LOVE seeing him love his Daddy so much.

I told Ryan from the start I didn't feel too terrible about the fact that Aiden wanted me over him earlier on. I wasn't being mean; it was because I knew one day the tables would turn. I knew I would have my turn for a while, and then it would be about him. While Aiden still wants me and only me for certain things, Daddy is definitely a favorite these days. And I certainly don't expect Ryan to feel bad about it, either. In fact, I hope he enjoys every single second of it all.

One more reason...

Some days I'm reminded why I love my husband so much. Some days it just hits me out of nowhere that, man, God really knew what he was doing when he put us together. Not that I think He ever doesn't know what He's doing, but...you know what I mean.

The other day I was hit out of the blue with that thought. I was cooking dinner; Ryan wasn't even home. It wasn't about a specific thing he had done, just the fact that we see eye-to-eye on so many things and that we work so well together. It's so nice when that happens.

And then the other night, Ryan gave me a good reminder himself.

See, Aiden's night terrors calmed down a bit after Christmas. We've been really strict with his schedule and such, and he's been doing much better. But for the last week and a half, it's been pretty much nightly. Not sure why all of the sudden, but there it is. Anyway, many nights over the last couple weeks, after he has an episode or if he wakes coughing or for whatever reason, we've brought him to bed with us. It makes it easier if it continues to happen (on us, too - we don't have to get up again!). So, a couple nights after he's actually woken up, he's said, "Mama's bed..." The other night he even did it in his sleep!

One night, while Aiden was still in his crib and Ryan and I were getting ready for bed, I asked how he felt about Aiden coming into our bed more often lately. He said, "Let him." Really? "Yeah. One day he won't want to do it. And we'll miss it."

(Feel free to pause for an "awwww" moment.)

I'm tearing up now just remembering it. It was definitely one of those moments where I was more than reminded of how much I love this man. I love the kind of father he is. I love how his heart works. And I love that we see so many things similarly. It makes life so much easier.

I know many people who don't agree with bed-sharing with their kids (and I know many people that do!). This post isn't about bed-sharing/co-sleeping, etc. Totally not. Let's not make it about that. This post is about my incredible husband and those little reminders that we work together so well. I don't believe in soul mates. I don't believe he is the only man I could have married and been happy with... But I am so very thankful that God lined things up for me and Ryan to meet and that we chose each other.

The Great Thing About Parenting...BREASTFEEDING Part TWO - Extended Breastfeeding

As Aiden nears his first year mark (THIS Thursday!!), I know one issue at the forefront (for some other people) will be...when are you going to wean him??

Welcome to Part Two of the breastfeeding discussion...EXTENDED Breastfeeding. If you read the first part (the post before this), you know the drill. Be nice. No debating/bashing. No rights or wrongs. This is just about sharing what we do/think/feel/etc.

When I had my first son ten years ago, I was 19 years old and just went along with the mainstream parenting methods. I thought it was great to nurse until the first birthday if you could, but I (like most that I knew) thought that was enough and you should stop then. I never got to the year mark because my milk went away, so I don't know how I would have felt when that year was up. This time around, I am a very different mama. I expect to nurse Aiden until he is two years old or to let him self wean. Who knows - he may wean himself before then. I'm not so sure I would EXPECT that the way he nurses now, but it could happen. I haven't thought much about breastfeeding past that point. As one of my teachers long ago (as in elementary school) used to say...we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. At this point, I am not sure I would be comfortable nursing a child past the age of two, but I realize that could change. I am on an online group where a soon-to-be-mama started a conversation about extended breastfeeding, saying she didn't think she could nurse past one year because she didn't think she would be comfortable with it. Someone else had a great point...those babies don't get to be a year all the sudden. It's gradual. And when it's so gradual in that way, you don't think of your babies as being older...you still see them as babies. So, nursing a two month old and a year old baby aren't all that different when you get there one day at a time. And that is so true. I don't think about that kind of thing when I nurse Aiden now. Whose to say I will feel one way or another as that TWO year mark approaches.

So, why two years?? Why not stop at one? There are a number of reasons.

For one, why wean at a year? Who says that is the right age and why should we just buy into that? First of all, each baby is different and has different needs (same goes for the moms, I would think, too). There are benefits to baby (and mom) with nursing, and they don't suddenly STOP when that baby hits twelve months old.

One benefit from nursing is how the breastmilk works with brain growth. They say that breastfed babies grow to be slightly more intelligent than their non-breastfeed counterparts. Research is now showing that there is a time of brain growth in the second year of life and that these children could benefit even greater from being breastfed during this time.

Attachment. Is your child suddenly ready to stop nursing at the age of one? Maybe he/she is! But maybe not. In my case, I want Aiden to wean when HE is ready to stop nursing. If it is important to him to continue, I am comfortable with that. He won't nurse for the rest of his life or for that much longer, when you look at the big picture. For those of you that think babies that continue to nurse into their toddler years will turn out to be clingy, dependent children, research shows that these children turn out to be more independent and self-confident. These children feel safe and are more trusting and, therefore, feel safe being more independent.

Nutrition. There is more fat and energy content in breastmilk from a mother nursing more than a year than earlier on. Interesting. Here is some more info along those lines... 448 ml of breastmilk during 12-23 months contains:

• 29% of energy requirements
• 43% of protein requirements
• 36% of calcium requirements
• 75% of vitamin A requirements
• 76% of folate requirements
• 94% of vitamin B₁₂ requirements
• 60% of vitamin C requirements

Less illness and fewer allergies for nursing toddlers. The immune factors in breastmilk increase in concentration during the second year and also during the weaning process, according to the kellymom.com factsheet. Toddlers that nurse are sick much less often than non-nursing toddlers. Asthma is also less common.

Did you know that the WHO recommends breastfeeding up to two years? Here is the statement from their website: Exclusive breastfeeding is recommended up to 6 months of age, with continued breastfeeding along with appropriate complementary foods up to two years of age or beyond.

There is some other great information at kellymom.com. Here is a section on breastfeeding - there is a heading for nursing past the first year and one on weaning, if you are interested.

Honestly, I only recently read some of this info. I've heard a lot of it for a while now, which made the decision to nurse past the first year an easy one for us. But I haven't done a ton of research on the topic and just recently discovered the kellymom website. I don't need a lot of research or stats to convince me to continue to nurse Aiden. It is what I feel comfortable doing as a mother. I want him to self-wean, if at all possible, because I feel that is what is best for HIM.

Someone (I don't know who it was because I wasn't told and I didn't ask) recently had a short conversation with someone else that I know... This someone was surprised to find out I was still nursing Aiden when he was about to turn a year old. Well, he's just nursing for comfort. I assure you, the child nurses for nourishment, for the milk. Yes, sometimes it is for comfort, but the majority of the time, the child is hungry. Well, she's just nursing him to sleep. No. I don't nurse him to sleep. Sure, he nurses before naptimes and bedtime, but AFTER nursing, he gets a story and other parts of his routine before going to sleep. And even if he is nursing to calm down and prepare for sleep, what's wrong with that? Other questions were about baby food and him eating other things. Trust me, the boy can eat. But if he wants milk, nothing can substitute, as far as he is concerned. He will tell me (by signing) when he wants milk...and he wants it right then, too, whether it's naptime, whether he just ate lunch, or regardless of where we are. He wants MILK. And I can tell he is getting plenty of it. I still let-down (and I have a very active let-down) every time he nurses. If he misses a feeding, I can tell, if you know what I mean.

Now, I don't feel the need to become defensive with my discussion. I don't feel defensive about this person asking questions, even though they were clearly trying to say that Aiden did not need to nurse at this point. I said in the last post, though, that I had not yet experienced the dirty looks or comments about nursing or nursing in public. I know that might change once Aiden is clearly older than a year old. I know more people have an issue with nursing a toddler than nursing a baby. So, I'm trying to prepare myself for this. I would love to hear how some of you have dealt with this, are planning on dealing with this. How did you handle or do you plan on handling it? What about those of you that think it's unnecessary? Why do you disagree with it?

Ok, it's late, and I'm off to bed (sorry if this post seems scattered - I'm exhausted!). After I eat some cake that my mother-in-law brought us (she came today to visit for the week). Then I'll nurse Aiden and bring him to bed with us, once he wakes in an hour or so. :) And yes, we'll continue to co-sleep and nurse at night, too. But we're working on not nursing to sleep at those times (per the No Cry Sleep Solution methods...seem to be helping so far!).

Share what you want! Just remember the rules. :) Comment on blogger, be nice, no debating. Thanks!!

The Great Thing About Parenting... BREASTFEEDING

I haven't done anything with the parenting series for a while. Things have been just way too busy to sit down and take time out for a serious post, especially one that requires me to think clearly, take the energy to come across as knowing what I'm talking about, and perhaps through in some research. This post might not involve as much of that as I want, but I am hoping to at least get the post WRITTEN and maybe even make some sense.

This post also has two parts to it...one being about breastfeeding in general. The second part - extended breastfeeding (past the one-year mark). One thing at a time, though...

Now, if you are new to the blog and aren't familiar with the parenting series, please feel free to see the post introducing it all HERE. See the other posts/topics HERE (diapers, co-sleeping, vaccines...). Basically, this is a friendly place to share the way we each do things, how we feel about it, what we think, etc. Key word - friendly. No bashing allowed. No debating. This is not about right vs wrong. Disagreeing is fine, but watch your words, please. Also, for those of you that follow along via email subscription or facebook, comment on the actual blog so we have the discussion all in one area.

Ok - I have breastfed both of my children. Camden was nursed up to 6-7 months, when my milk went away. After about a month of doing everything possible and everything a lactation consultant suggested, I had to give in and go to formula full-time. He simply was not getting enough milk from me alone, unfortunately. Not a happy month for me. Aiden is still going strong nursing at (almost) one year. Aside from my milk going away with Camden, nursing has been really easy for me. I never had any clogged ducts, no cracking of anything..., no problems with latching. It was a very natural thing for me and for both of my babies. They both went right to nursing like they were pros from the start. I don't take for granted how easy breastfeeding has been; I know many people that have had different experiences. Feel free to share yours - good, bad, indifferent, etc.

With that, I must say that I really don't get it when people say they have a hard time breastfeeding. Let me explain before some of you get a little defensive...... I'm not saying you don't have a hard time and that you're making it sound worse. No way. I believe you. I know a number of mamas who have struggled big time with breastfeeding. Some ended up going the formula route, and some stuck with it (through some REALLY rough times, too!) and breastfed for quite a long time (so proud of those girls!!). What I am saying, though, is that I don't understand those struggles because I haven't been there; it's hard for me to know what it's like. I can't understand the frustration and the stress that goes along with it. It's just like anybody who hasn't nursed can't really understand the closeness and bonding that comes from breastfeeding. I think it's one of those things you have to experience to get - either way.

Maybe part of my love for nursing my boys has stemmed from how easy it was for us; I don't know. But I do know that it is one of the most rewarding things I have ever experienced. Aiden is still a frequent nurser, always has been (frequent but fast), and we sit down many times each day for our nursing sessions. It's always so much fun and relaxing for me. He's quite the wiggler and gets distracted easily. He'll look up at me, play with my face, play with his feet, show me how the fan goes round and round (yes, while nursing), play with my hands - it's definitely an interactive time! As fun as it is most of the time, there are times when I can be heard saying..."Are you done Aiden? Or are you going to drink more milk??? Which is it?" (insert a tone with slight frustration and impatience). He hears a noise, sees someone walk by in another room, just about anything, and he has to turn to see what it is (sometimes without unlatching properly to do so...). But for the most part, breastfeeding is a wonderful time for us, even when he is being distracted.

Since Aiden has always been such a frequent nurser (as in it was just recently he started going up to three hours between nursing sessions; sometimes it's more frequent than that - sometimes it's longer), I've had to learn to plan things around breastfeeding. And I've had to get used to the idea of NIP/BIP (nursing/breastfeeding in public). You quickly learn how to do that without it hardly being noticed when you HAVE to do it so much. I know this can be a controversial topic, and many people have experience negative reactions to NIP/BIP. I really haven't. I have breastfed Aiden COUNTLESS times in public, and nobody has ever said anything to me or even given me a dirty look. One time I thought someone was giving me a look in a doctor's waiting room, but when we walked by after our name was called, the lady smiled at us, so I think it's safe to assume there was no dirty look. I don't have to nurse out in public as often now, but when we take our road trips or we are out for more than a few hours, it will be necessary. If I can go to a dressing area or the car or a more hidden area, I will do that. It's easier on everyone that way, especially with such an easily distracted baby! I used to use a nursing cover when Aiden was a newborn, but he will have nothing to do with that now, so we don't cover, but he is big enough to cover up anything that doesn't need to be seen by others (or I do have a hand I can use). It's never been a problem or much of an issue, really. I feel fortunate. I know of others that have had problems, but I also have heard wonderful stories from friends with great NIP/BIP experiences, including people telling them not to bother covering up that baby. Nursing is a natural and beautiful thing, and I'm thrilled when people treat it as such. If you're interested, here is something I saw recently (there are different versions online that I've seen - some have had the pictures removed by the websites, which is kind of sad...). It's comparing the reactions to NIP/BIP and the other ways we see breasts in our everyday media, etc... "Breastfeeding is Offensive" If this link doesn't work, I can post another that should.

On that note, here are some "offensive" pics of me nursing Aiden (obviously, I do not think they are offensive...and could you even tell for sure that I was nursing if I hadn't said so??).

Covered up in the early months...

Stopping to take a peek at Mommy

We even have to eat when we're at the beach!

Another part of me having to learn to be ok nursing in public is that Aiden never took a bottle. We tried a couple times, but when he wasn't into it at all, we didn't push it. It wasn't something we felt was necessary. I supplemented some when Camden was a baby because I worked very part time from the time he was three months old up to nine months old - and it wasn't enough time to stop and pump, so he would get a bottle. I've always wondered how much that contributed to my milk going away, even though "they say" you should be able to do that and have no problems. So with Aiden, I never supplemented, and we didn't push a bottle with breastmilk, either. I would rather be able to nurse him longer than have the convenience of using a bottle (which really isn't all that convenient compared to breastfeeding, in my opinion). Honestly, I don't like the idea of giving him formula at all. This was not a sacrifice to me.

We have room-shared since Aiden was born and began bed-sharing when he was about five months old to make it easier to nurse him at night, since he woke so often to feed (and still does). I haven't spent much time at all away from Aiden at all - how could I when I am his primary source of food? He does eat solids now (and boy does he like to eat!!), but that never really slowed down the breastfeeding much. So, yes, for Aiden's first year of life, my own life has pretty much revolved around breastfeeding. And that's ok. I'm doing what is best for him, I love doing it, my husband is in agreement; so there are no problems with it in our family. Even my older son is perfectly fine with me breastfeeding. The very first time he saw Aiden after the delivery, I was nursing Aiden, and Camden got wide eyes, and you could tell he was wondering if he should look away. I asked him what he thought about it, and he said he wasn't sure. I said - well, you're just going to have to get used to it because this is how he eats! And...that he did. Immediately. He knows this is just how babies eat, and there is nothing wrong with it and no need to feel embarrassed or worry about how to act/where to look. It's not an issue in our home, which is how it should be (for us). I even have some pictures that a friend took of me breastfeeding Aiden when he was around six months old. She took other pictures of just him, too, but the nursing ones are by far my favorite. They are BEAUTIFUL (if you want to see them, just let me know - I'm ok with sharing as long as they are not on the world wide web for all to see. I can send you the link to view them - they are not public if you just go to our photos, however.), and I am so thankful we have those pictures. To me, nursing is one of the best and most rewarding experiences in this entire world.

I think we've all heard the benefits of breastfeeding...

• Healthier babies (less illness) in the present and long-run and in so many ways. I won't list them all - it's easy to get this info.
• Breastfed babies are less likely to be obese later in life
• Breastfed babies' poop smells better/sweeter (well, it's true)
• Smarter babies (research says it's just slightly so)
• Faster weight loss for moms that nurse (get that baby weight off!)
• Moms are at reduced risk for breast/uterine/ovarian cancer
• Moms experience less postpartum depression
• Saves money (formula is expensive, breastfeeding is free/cheap)
• Ingredients are all natural and change to baby's nutritional needs throughout nursing
• Helps babies attach to moms (and moms to babies)
• Convenient - no fixing/washing/carrying bottles/formula/etc. Breastmilk is ready when needed!

There are more. Feel free to add in the comments. I'm just doing a quick run-down. I'm not going to mention all the research behind the benefits of breastfeeding to everyone. Just have little time right now. I will share a few websites that are interesting and have great information...

Kellymom.com - Articles/info are evidence-based; this website is often sited/recommended for gathering info on breastfeeding (and other topics)
Dr. Sears - Breastfeeding topics
WHO (World Health Organization) on Breastfeeding
World Breastfeeding Week 2009 - Going on THIS WEEK! I just happened to find this out as I was writing this. What great timing, huh? Any of you doing anything for this? There are events all around the world to celebrate/support it.

Share any other sites you think are worthwhile. There are many more out there, I know!

And...while I feel I have not done this topic justice in any way, this is all I am writing at the moment due to time constraints and a very huge to-do list for the day. I will post soon about the second-half of this topic...EXTENDED breastfeeding. Later today, so stay tuned!

Now it's your turn!! Remember the rules - no bashing and BE NICE. Post on blogger in the comments section. If you're reading via email or on facebook, there will be a link on the title of the post - click that to come to the blogger post and share your comments. Thanks for reading (and sharing!). Looking forward to seeing what others have to say.

The Great Thing About Parenting... VACCINES

Ok, so this one is a HOT topic, as in HHHHHOTTTTTT. So, let's try to remember our nice words and be nonjudgmental. This is not a debate, folks! We're simply sharing what we do and why. That's all. Not trying to convince anyone what is right, wrong, ect.

So...here's OUR story.

First, with Camden (born almost ten years ago), I approached vaccinations the way I did most other things with him....I didn't question anything and just went with what seemed to be the norm. I didn't even realize there were options! But this time around, I knew better than that. I wanted to be informed and make decisions as an educated Mama. I went into the research just wanting knowledge - not planning on going one route or the other. No agenda other than learning. And let me tell you, it is hard finding info on this topic that is NOT biased!

The best resource we found was Dr. Robert Sears' book - The Vaccine Book. The book has a chapter on each vaccine and disease. The chapters are divided up into sections explaining things such as: how common/rare the disease is, how serious it is, how each vaccine is made and what the ingredients are (esp the controversial ingredients), the possible side effects and the likelihood of them, the different brands/types of vaccines (and why they are different than the others). There is also info about traveling concerns, vaccine research and stats, delaying or declining vaccines, etc, etc. It's got a lot of info - but it's a very easy read. And you will come away knowing more than you expected.

After reading all about the different vaccines and thinking a lot about everything...Ryan and I decided to do an alternate vaccine schedule. That means that Aiden will be getting the vaccines, but he will have them more spread out, getting only two at a time. He will not get the combo shots. Some combo shots combine three or so shots in one, which for some is a plus...less injections at once. For us, it is not a plus because there are more controversial ingredients, such as aluminum, in some of these shots. Also, the purpose in doing only two shots at a time is the child is only getting TWO SHOTS AT A TIME, which is not happening with the combo shots - he would get more than two.

Why do we want only two at a time? Well, we think it is better for his immune system to get fewer than more at a time. With the regular schedule, babies will get up to SIX vaccines at a time at some visits. That's just too much, in our opinion. We would rather introduce a smaller amount into his immune system at a time because we feel that is what is best for his body. I keep saying "we" because Ryan and I are in complete agreement with this. None of this was the decision of just one of us with the other going along with it or just not arguing against it. Complete agreement. We did the research together and made the decisions together. And we believe that too many shots at once are not good for the immune system. Now, do we believe that all those shots put into a baby's immune system can cause autism? (I know you're wondering!) Well, not necessarily yes or no. I actually am not taking a stand on that issue. But I will say that I believe that harming the immune system with certain children could lead to some problems, and I believe that too many shots at one time can harm the immune system. I'll leave it at that. Ryan is also not really sure where he stands on the whole autism and vaccinations, mostly because he hasn't had the time to do much research on the issue.

When I compare the shot schedule today with what Camden got less than ten years ago, there are so many more shots now! It's amazing how many more there are all the time. I can't remember at this time what the numbers are, but I did compare when we were looking at this, and I remember being very surprised at the difference. And comparing it to when I was a child...huge difference. From 1991-2001, the number of shots that children received DOUBLED. While I do believe that good can come of vaccinating children, especially when looking at the "big picture" (not just the one child but the nation, etc.), I question some of the other factors going into vaccinating.

One other problem I have is vaccine research. There is a minimal amount. What? Well, when you think about it, it's very difficult to do vaccine research on each vaccine. When new vaccines come out, they are given along with other vaccines, so if there is a new side effect, it's assumed it is from the new vaccine. You can't ethically give just the new vaccine to a child while not allowing the other vaccines that we are told are very important, now can you? So, you can't test vaccines in isolation. When other new medications are created, they go through years of rigorous testing, trials, evaluations, etc. When it has been declared safe, it is then given to the general public. This doesn't occur with vaccines. No blood work to check for toxicity. No long-term safety research. Any research is very minimal and very flawed (using only parent questionnaires, animal studies, comparing different countries, etc.). We don't even know what some of the possible long-term side effects from many vaccines are, though it is questioned that diabetes, eczema, arthritis, and other chronic diseases could be caused by them.

Now, I am not saying that we shouldn't vaccinate because of these issues. But as someone who wants to know the research behind these types of things, things I am doing to my children, to myself, this isn't the best news. It's bad news, actually. It's something I am interested in...and something I definitely keep in my mind when thinking about the pros versus the cons of vaccinating.

If you take the time to read about the diseases that vaccinations are for, you will also realize that some of the diseases are not as relevant today. They do not occur often (maybe partially due to vaccinations...) and are not that serious when they do occur. I thought one vaccine in particular was interesting...Rubella. Rubella is dangerous for pregnant women because the fetus can be infected and have birth defects due to that. It is very, very mild for children and often isn't even noticed. Children are vaccinated, however, so that they will not infect teachers and mothers that are pregnant. Rubella is now very rare in the US. I'm not saying we should stop vaccinating - I'm saying that I like to know WHY we are vaccinating and if the reasons pertain to us. (Some of you will immediately say YES because we need to think of more than just our immediate family. I'm not arguing one way or another.)

And then there are the ones that we vaccinate for early on, though they aren't likely to occur until later, often requiring a titer later on to ensure the vaccination will be more effective. (Did you know that the vaccines only last so long? Many require more shots later on, but some people aren't aware of this - and therefore aren't vaccinated when they most need it.) One example of this is the Hep B, which is given at birth, though it's not needed then unless one of the parents has Hep B. Otherwise, you can wait until much later to give this vaccine. It's a sexually transmitted disease. I like how Dr. Sears puts it. "Besides being transmitted through unprotected sex, hep B can also be passed on by the sharing of IV drug needles, the use of improperly sterilized tattoo needles, or an accidental stick with an infected needle. So any baby who participates in one of the above-mentioned risky activities could catch hepatitis B." But it can also be acquired from blood transfusions, though rarely.

These are some issues we have with vaccines, when they are routinely given, etc, etc. This is not a list of ALL the issues we have. But I don't need to go on and on and on. This is a very complicated topic, and one could really go on all day about it. And longer. We're not going to do that here. I do think that vaccines have done a lot of good for populations. At the same time, they can be risky for individuals.

If you're interested in what our schedule is, here it is....

Aiden's Vaccination Schedule

2 months DTaP Rotavirus
3 months* Pc HIB (Get the Act HIB brand - no aluminum)
4 months DTaP Rotavirus
5 months* Pc HIB
6 months DTaP Rotavirus
7 months* Pc HIB
9 months Polio
12 months MMR Polio (Do Polio at either 10/11 months or 13/14 months)
15 months Pc HIB
Flu (2 doses, between 6-12 months in flu season, mercury free shot - if you ask, it seems more offices are using the mercury free shots)
18 months DTaP Chickenpox
2 years Polio
2 years, 4 months?* Flu (mercury free)
2 years, 6 months* Hep B Hep A
3 years Hep B
3 years, 6 months Hep B Hep A
4 years DTaP Polio
5 years MMR
6 years Chickenpox
12 years Tdap
13 years Meningococcal
* can be "shot only" visits with nurse

Notice we have only two shots at a time. We are fortunate to have doctors that support our choice with our vaccine schedule. Fully support. When we go for our visits, the nurse always knows what shots Aiden is getting based on HIS schedule. (One nurse tried to tell us we had "missed" shots, but she was not our usual nurse and realized what was going on once I explained it.) Another time, when calling to make sure we got the Hib brand that doesn't have aluminum, the nurse wasn't sure what to tell me, and a doctor told her "find out whatever she wants to know!" I was very pleased to have that kind of support from this office. (Incidentally, after reading the ingredients, the nurse said, "Now I don't want to give these shots!" She clearly had no idea what was in them.) I do have to go into the office more often for the shot visits, but they do not cost us extra. They are "nurse visits" - I call the day ahead to make sure they have the shots in and then show up for the nurse to give the shot. No cost, no appointment, not much of a wait.

There was a shortage of the MMR shot divided up into the three separate parts, but I've read that it is available again. We cannot get them divided at our dr office but can go elsewhere for it. We might do the MMR together and get that shot only during that visit.

There IS a shortage of Hib going on. Aiden missed his at the seven month visit. But whenever it becomes available again, we can get it then. No biggie. Most of the shots aren't necessary at the exact month they are scheduled. Going off track is not a big deal.

We may change our schedule as time goes on, as we learn more, etc. This is not set in stone. As of now, we're following Dr. Sears' alternate schedule with a little tweaking based on when Aiden was born (for the flu shot) and some other factors, which ensures Aiden will have the shots that schools require by the time he starts. Anyone can change their vax schedule if they decide, which also means that if you are going by the regular schedule and wish you had done the alternate schedule - you can change that! It's really not a big deal.

In case you don't know what it is and are curious, here is the regular vax schedule:
American Academy of Pediatrics 2007 Recommended Vaccine Schedule

Birth Hep B
1 month Hep B
2 months HIB Pc DTaP Rotavirus Polio
4 months HIB Pc DTaP Rotavirus Polio
6 months HIB Pc DTaP Rotavirus Hep B Flu
1 year MMR Chickenpox Hep A
15 months HIB Pc
18 months DTaP Polio Hep A Flu
2 years Flu
3 years Flu
4 years Flu
5 years DTaP Polio MMR Chickenpox
11 years HPV (3 doses, girls only)
12 years Tdap Meningococcal

Yes, it looks a lot simpler than Aiden's and requires fewer visits - but he's not getting 5-6 at a time, either, which is what we prefer. Did you know the reason they lump so many shots into as few visits as possible?? It's because they want to ensure people come in for them. Some people will not come in for frequent visits because they may not be able to afford the copays for so many dr visits. Fewer visits = less $$ for the client to pay = the client is more likely to show up = the child is more likely to be vaccinated. You can spread the shots out if you want. What harm could that cause? That's our view. We are causing Aiden no more harm in spreading out the shots, but we may be helping him.

Ok...is that enough on my end?? I really could go on. But do you really want me to?? ;) I want to hear from all of you - what you are doing, will do, what you think about things, why, etc. Remember that this isn't a debate. We are not here to judge. Just SHARE. I will say this...one thing that really bothers me is when someone who has NOT done the research judges others that use some alternate/selective schedule. If you do not know much about it, do you really have the right to judge someone who does and makes an educated decision? And on that note, I will also comment that doctors do not necessarily know all of the research behind vaccinations. My doctor knew some because she had a child shortly before Aiden was born, and she did research as a parent, but it seems that many doctors are not too knowledgable when it comes to this topic, not in the way we might want them to be, at least. Just a thought.

Remember the rules please. Use your nice words. Please comment on blogger (not via email if you subscribe or facebook if you read there) - let's keep all the discussion in one place. If you do comment, be sure to click to recieve other comments so you can see what others have to say/ask/etc. (esp b/c I will most likely reply to some of them, and you won't get it if you don't subscribe to them). And if you are using the anonymous feature (if you don't have a blogger/aim acct), please remember to put your name somewhere in there. :) And once again, BE NICE. If it reaches not-nice status, I will jump in and moderate.

And for those of you not joining in on the conversation, please vote on the side bar! Thanks!

The Great Thing About Parenting... DIAPERS

Topic #2...Diapers! Let's share what we do, how we do it, and why... If something really impacted your decision, do tell. Here's the link back to the original post if you're new to the parenting series and aren't sure what this is all about.

I did a post on disposables vs cloth (and gdiapers) a while back. Some of this will come from that post. So, yes, I'm cheating a bit. That's ok. It's my blog, so I'm allowed. ;) That was a debate, though...THIS is not.

With my first son (almost ten years ago...wow!), I never questioned using disposable diapers. It was just a given. I didn't consider how much waste was being produced and what I was adding to the landfills. Or what was IN the diapers and, therefore, going against my son's bum all day long. When I got pregnant this time around, I was in a different place and doing a lot of things differently - I was more green, to say the least. So, when I heard about gdiapers, I was immediately sold! These are a mix between cloth and disposable - an outer cloth pant with a snap-in waterproof liner (not plastic!) and then flushable (yes, flushable! or even compostable!!) inserts. The insert is the "disposable" part - you can toss them, too. They decompose within a couple months, whereas a disposable diaper takes more than 500 years. Anyway, we used these right away with our new baby that was born in August - left the hospital with them on him. And we've never gone back.

gDiapers are kind of the best of both worlds when it comes to the whole cloth vs disposable issue - disposable inserts with cloth pants and a waterproof (that is not plastic so it is breathable) liner. About 18 BILLION diapers go into landfills each year, taking about 500 years to break down. gDiapers take just a couple months to break down. There is an obvious and significant difference there. And there are no plastics, chemicals, chlorine, perfumes, etc. Oh - and no diaper smell!! I mean, if you flush the insert with all the pee and poop down the toilet, you have no diapers sitting around, and therefore...no smell. Some people say that gdiapers are more expensive, but they don't have to be at all! And from what I hear, the cost of disposables is going up lately. The cost of g's is not. Plus, if you use cloth.....well, then the cost definitely does not increase. And more good news - gdiapers is coming out with their own cloth insert within the next couple/few months!!

Some other great things about g's (aside from their obvious cuteness factor!!!)... The company is top-notch! Really great customer service; wonderful, friendly people. Recently, some test Babies R Us stores started carrying gdiapers...now they ALL do!! Target also has them online, as does diapers.com. And many other stores carry them (many Whole Foods and other stores that carry cloth diapers). Check out gdiapers.com and do a search if you want. As I said, they will be introducing a cloth insert very soon. They recognize what their customers want and really try to respond to that. Some folks that sell cloth inserts to fit the g's will be carrying the new gdiapers cloth inserts, so even they don't see this as competition. How great is that?

Aiden in his g's - he clearly loves them!

We have gone a little farther, though. We now use cloth inserts that a lady makes to fit the g's (here is her website in case you're curious - you know you are! We love the gflappers - named that b/c of how they are made to dry quickly - with the organic bamboo velour. Those things are incredibly soft! And in case you're wondering about the whole smell issue, I can honestly say that the only time I smell any "diaper smell" from using cloth is when I open the pail to take out the bag of diapers to put them in the laundry - and really, I can hold the bag closed and barely smell a thing!) . I never would have thought I would be using cloth diapers, but here I am loving it. We use the g's with cloth during the day and BumGenius cloth diapers at night (since he pees a lot but we don't change during the nighttime - they hold a lot and keep him dry), stuffed with some gflappers. I am happy to say that we have not bought him any disposable diapers - oh, wait - we have. We bought one package of Seventh Generation diapers when he was first born, as a backup to the g's since they were a new concept and to use during those middle of the night changes that happen with every feeding with a newborn (so that we didn't need to have a light on to change the "new" diapers). We didn't even use the whole package. I gave about half the package away after we realized he had grown out of them, actually.

Aiden caught helping with the diaper laundry
(yes, they're clean!)

So, here are some of my thoughts on why we use cloth.... And in case you're wondering, I lump g's in with the cloth side b/c they do have a cloth component, the flushables are, well, flushable and decompose so much quicker than typical disposable, and - we use cloth in the gdiapers...

Cost - Disposables are not cheap, we all can admit to that! Cloth has a bigger start-up cost, but that's about it. Yes, you have to wash them, which uses money, but we use an energy efficient washer/dryer, so it doesn't factor in as a higher cost with us. Once you have a supply of cloth, there is no more cost (except for those of us that get addicted to some of those adorable cloth dipes or covers and can't stop buying more - but they are still cheaper than disposables, in my opinion!). It can be a couple to a few hundred dollars for the cloth supply versus a couple thousand dollars for disposables.

Baby's Skin - Cloth doesn't have a bunch of nasty chemicals in it. And you can use organic cloth if you really want. Yes, organic materials can be a bit more, but it still will be less than using disposable during the diapering years. Also, I change diapers pretty often to make sure Aiden's skin is not wet or irritated - and it doesn't cost me any more to do so. I change at least every two hours if not more often. This way, I know that he does not have urine against his skin for long periods, which exposes babies to bacteria and other things that cause rashes and infections.

Environmental Impact - This is a BIG one for cloth. Disposable diapers contribute an enormous amount to our landfills, and they take over 500 YEARS to decompose. Cloth is a greener option b/c you reuse them. You can even use the supply from one child for other children you may later have. Some say that once you factor in the use of water/energy to wash the cloth, using cloth isn't much better than disposables from a "green" standpoint. But this isn't true, especially if you use an energy efficient washer/dryer.

The poop - Ok, ok - cloth can be messy. I know you're thinking that. BUT I don't see this as a great argument against cloth. While baby is exclusively breastfed (I don't know as much about formula fed b/c mine does not get formula), you simply throw the poopy diapers in with the others and wash - there is nothing to get out of the cloth b/c it (sorry if this is gross, but we ARE talking diapers here) is runny and is absorbed into the cloth. Now, once baby is on solids, there is "real" poop, and you can't throw that in the wash, no. Some "swish" it in the toilet to get it off. We have a diaper sprayer, so we touch no poop. Spray and throw in the diaper pail with the others. Simple. Also - I hear most people that use cloth say they hardly ever or never have "blowouts" - and it's very rare with gdiapers. Blowouts are rather common with disposables, though - I'm not just thinking that; I've used sposies and have worked in a nursery...I know it. We never have blowouts - saves lots of clothes that way, too. ;) (Ok - we've had two...one was my fault b/c I put on a smaller diaper for just a moment b/c I had the others in the wash. My prayer that he didn't poop was not heard... The other time, he pooped without me knowing and was bouncing on his bottom...so the bouncing caused some...leakage - but still hardly any! Both times...not the diaper's fault.)

Laundry - Some people think you'll be doing so much laundry if you use cloth. No fun. Well, not-so-much. If you have a baby, you know you are already doing a TON of laundry. Heck, if you have a family of four or more, you do it often. Probably every other day or so. We do. So, what is another load along with that? I wash the diapers every third day, at least. It's simply one other load to do, and it's not a lot of work. Dump the diapers in the washer (I don't have to touch them b/c they're in a lined bag, so I just push them out from the bottom of the bag and throw in the bag, as well), do the wash, put them in the dryer, and then fold. Whoop-de-do, right? :) I feel that it takes just as much time to do this as it would if I had to go buy diapers and take them out to the trash when the pail is full of dirties. I usually load the diapers to have ready while I'm sitting down watching tv or something; doesn't take much time at all and requires little thought. And I spend no time trying to find coupons or the best deal on diapers. If you really aren't into the laundering thing, another option is using a diaper service. This would still cost a lot less than using disposables, from what I understand.

Another issue with laundry is what to launder with, as in detergent. You can't just use any ol' detergent and you can't use fabric softeners. They coat the cloth and will prevent absorbancy. We have looked into this some and use the same detergent for all of our laundry (and it's one that's better for the environment than many typical detergents). We use Country Save and love it so far. We also cut out using fabric softeners and use dryer balls. So the detergent issue isn't really an issue for us b/c we found something that works for the diapers and everything else. This stuff is also better for us with both boys having eczema - and Aiden's being pretty bad and easily aggravated. Once we're not using diapers, we'll still use this detergent, too. Also, instead of bleach, we use Grapefruit Seed Extract in with the diaper load to disinfect.

Potty Training - Ahhhhh...potty training. It is said that babes in cloth potty train earlier. They feel wet when they go in the cloth, unlike when they wear disposables. When Camden was potty training, I did not use pull-ups. In my opinion, they are just disposables that pull up instead of fasten with tabs. I used cloth trainers. And he was trained in NO time. Seriously.

Oh, and we use cloth wipes, too! We actually just bought some microfiber cloths (from Target - in the automotive department, of all places!). They were really cheap and do a great job. So, one more thing we never have to shop for. And we don't have to worry about all the things they put in disposable wipes. This wasn't something we planned on doing (whereas the diapers were planned - well, using gdiapers was planned...cloth was not planned, but here we are!). Our little one had some skin issues when he was born, and we didn't want anything to contribute and possibly make things worse, especially while we were still going through all the tests to find out what was going on. So, it was a very easy decision for us to eliminate any possible skin irritants, such as the disposables and wipes.

For the longest time, we just used water to wet the wipes before using each one. We just kept water in a small squirt bottle on the changing table. Once Aiden started on solids, his poop was thicker, so we felt we needed a bit more to feel like it was really clean. I put a squirt of California Baby Calming wash (that stuff smells soooo good!) in the bottle, along with 1-2 drops of Grapefruit Seed Extract (GSE). That's it. You can buy special solutions for wipes and what-have-you, but many people use similar homemade solutions. It's easy, cheap, and works. The GSE is great for keeping bacteria away and reducing rashes, too.

***

Ok, your turn!! Share what you do and why. And be sure to vote on the poll (see sidebar), even if you choose not to comment. I would especially love to hear from people that have tried both cloth and sposies.

Remember the rules.... Be nice. No debating. This isn't about what is "right" or "wrong" - just sharing our methods. If you read this on facebook or via email, comment on the blog itself so we can keep the discussion in one place. When you comment, please include your name, as well. :)

PS - If you're interested in gdiapers, visit back soon. I'm going to post the tips and tricks I have learned with fit, cost, and everything else. :) Plus, I'll have coupons....

Most important lesson as a parent?

I get some emails about parenting from time to time. One today had a question for parents to think about.. What is the single most important lesson you have learned since becoming a parent?

Off the top of my head...

Forget everything you thought you knew about parenting.

You can't know how your little one will be before he is here. You can't predict how you will parent (even with second children and so on! I'm already doing things so differently than I did with Camden - which doesn't make it better or worse, just different). You can try to predict things or plan it all out, but it will be different once that little one is in your arms. It's fine to read all those books and do all that research (hey - I do it!!), but you need to learn to take what you read, what you experience, who your child is, and everything else and figure out how all of it together works for YOU and your family. Don't try to parent "by the book" because your child is an individual. Take advice with a grain of salt. Be ok with questioning how things have been done, and know it's just fine to do it your own way and not everyone else's.

And realize that you will do, think, and say so many things you never thought you would.

And that's ok.

Coming Soon

No parenting discussion this week. Sorry. There was just too much going on with us this week! Way too much - and too little computer time. But I'll be posting it as soon as I can next week. I think we'll hold off on the cry-it-out and go into diapering this next one. I've had some people asking me about our diapering methods lately - and some mama's are expecting soon. So I want to get on that topic! :)

Hope you all are having a great weekend. Get out and enjoy the sunshine!

The Great Thing About Parenting... CO-SLEEPING

Ok..it's our first go-round. Topic of the day is CO-SLEEPING! Well, any type of sleeping, actually. Co-sleeping, room-sharing, crib-sleeping...whatever it is you do/did, have your baby do, plan on doing, are interested in...whatever!

If you have no idea what this is, here is the original post explaining the series that this is starting.

First...ground rules!! This is not meant to be a debate! This is meant to be a discussion. We're simply sharing what we do (or plan on doing, etc) and offer some explanations as to how we reached our decisions, offer some insight, stuff like that. No bad-mouthing others that think differently. The point is not to try to prove our own way is the right way. Let's be open-minded and simply chat together. If things get ugly at all, I will jump in and moderate - that means approving comments before they are posted online. That also means NOT approving any mean comments. It's my blog, so I get to do this if I choose to.

Now...here's my story. First of all, I never ever planned on being a co-sleeping Mama. I've always been one to say that my kiddos will NOT be sleeping in my bed with me. They go to their own bed. Well, having a child can undo all that you had planned to do.... Everything went as originally planned with Camden. He was a great sleeper. Learned to go to sleep on his own early on, and he's been wonderful about it ever since. I know I am blessed with how great of a sleeper he is!

Then enters Aiden. Now...I am blessed with Aiden, too. But he is not the world's best sleeper. We first had him in our room in his bassinet. I think many parents do this with their newborns, so I doubt I'm part of the minority there. He slept close to my bed at night so that I could get up to feed him, which he did often. We waited until all the holidays were past to move him to his bed at night because we traveled a lot and wanted to wait until we were home and back into our routines before creating another schedule change. He was still waking every couple hours to nurse even though he was five months old.

Let me back-track for a second... At just a couple months, Aiden was sleeping through the night. But then around three months or a little after, he went back to waking more often. And he never really went back to sleeping longer. He seemed to be really hungry when he woke, too - not just waking for the sake of waking and wanting to be nursed to sleep. The boy ATE!

Ok - so we put him in his own bed after the holidays. We thought maybe then he would start sleeping longer - being farther away from the food supply. Nope. Not at all. He woke the same, but what changed was Mommy having to go farther to feed him. That woke me up more. And after a short time, I was very (I mean walking-into-walls-very) sleep deprived. Something had to give. We kept trying to come up with a solution. I will say that Ryan was the first to actually VOICE the idea of co-sleeping. (Why am I saying this...because I want people to know that him giving up part of the bed was not forced on him, that's why.) We had both clearly been thinking it for a while. Saying it out loud was a relief. And trying it was even more of one!

I immediately felt more rested. Sure, I was waking the same to feed Aiden. But with him right next to me, neither of us had to wake fully, so we both fell right back asleep (me and Aiden, that is. Ryan just slept away after the first couple nights.).

Now, we did want to be sure we were doing this safely. So...as with all of our major decisions, we researched. And researched. And researched. I won't go into all the details (I will provide a few links for those interested), but I will say a few things. I was surprised to find information that actually is very encouraging for co-sleeping. Co-sleeping is VERY safe, possibly safer than crib-sleeping alone. There are stats to back this up, which makes it rather interesting. (I am a stats person - I really am. I can get pretty excited over some good stats. Yes, I'm a bit of a nerd that way.)

When we hear about infants dying while co-sleeping - we are hearing a sliver of the real story. It is actually very rare, while crib deaths occur much more often. Ok - I'm really not going to go into detail here b/c it's depressing to talk about babies dying. But the whole parent-rolling-on-top-of-baby story happens so rarely and is typically due to an overweight parent, a parent that has been drinking or is under the influence of some drug, or is with a parent that does not breastfeed. Those of us that co-sleep (I know you're out there) know that when you sleep next to your baby, your sleep cycles become in sync and you will wake at the slightest movement coming from your baby.

There are many benefits to both Mom and baby when co-sleeping occurs. It helps regulate baby's sleep cycles, helps baby to stay in the lighter stage of sleep when they are younger (it is believed that babies younger than 6 months are in more danger of SIDS when they are in a deeper sleep and unable to arouse themselves), it helps breastfeeding (and helps keep supply up because you are still nursing throughout the night. Supply issues have always been a concern for me, so this was another benefit for me.) It is believed that co-sleeping decreases the risk of SIDS. Mom actually sleeps better because she doesn't have to fully wake up when going to another room to check on, feed baby, etc.

Now, I must say, we have taken EVERY safety precaution. I do not think co-sleeping is something that should be done on a whim without thought or action taken to create the safest possible place for your baby.

Curious about some of our safety precautions?? Here are a few things we are doing... The covers on the bed only come up to my waist, if that - they never go past Aiden's legs. He is not next to my pillow or anything soft and fluffy. There is something in place to ensure Aiden doesn't roll off the bed. I never worry about him rolling off the bed, though, because the only way he moves at all is to scoot closer to me. And he will do this in his sleep. He sleeps best when he is as close to me as possible. If after nursing, I move away an inch or two, he will eventually move back. He sleeps even better if our faces are right next to each other. (Have you ever noticed how well your little one will return to sleep if you put your face next to his? No? Try it! Works *almost* every time. Your breath helps regulate their breath - and they can tell you are so close, even if they still have their eyes closed and are just fussing in their sleep. I've been amazed seeing how simply putting my face next to Aiden's has affected him.)

And aside from all the reasons I listed...we just LOVE co-sleeping. It started out as simply a way for ME to get enough sleep - or more than I was, at least - but it's become more than just that. (I wish now that I had done it with Camden!) We love watching Aiden sleep when we all get into bed at night. It's wonderful waking up in the morning...especially those times when he wakes one of us up by patting on our faces or by laughing and "talking." I've really gotten to know Aiden's sleep habits, too, so I feel like I know him better. Believe it or not, I feel like it's even brought me and Ryan closer together. We feel really connected and happy when we're lying there with Aiden, watching him sleep and smiling over how cute his sleeping mannerisms are. In the mornings, Aiden will often wake up when the boys are getting ready for work and school, but he and I will usually go back to sleep for a bit. When we do wake up, we aren't rushed one bit. I don't have to jump up to get him from his room. We lie there in bed, cuddling, playing around for as long as we want. It's a great way to start the day.

For those of you asking have we thought about how long he will be in our bed? How long until he should be sleeping through the night? How will we get him in his own bed eventually? What about "us" time? Well, we've thought about it ALL, trust me. For starters, Aiden still naps in his own crib and goes to sleep at night in his own crib. He usually wakes around the time we are going to bed - or he wakes when we should be in bed, so we use that as our incentive for going to bed! We're not concerned over how long Aiden will be in our bed. I mean, he will eventually outgrow nursing through the night and will move into his own bed. I don't know any 15-year-olds that are still waking in the middle of the night, unable to go back to sleep without help, or that are still in bed with the parents. (Yes, that's extreme, but you get my drift.) And "us" time...I won't go into that. But we have it figured out.

Things I have noticed since co-sleeping... Aiden sleeps best snuggled next to me. He goes to sleep with a SMILE on his face when he is in our bed next to me (no kidding! And no, he does NOT do this when going to sleep in his crib.). It is said to be normal for babies to cry out in their sleep, and Aiden has done this a LOT while in his own bed. He'll fuss, make terrible faces, and cry out - makes you think he must be having a bad dream. Are you familiar with this, too? He does not do it at all in bed with us. Aiden likes to bring his legs in and push them up against me when nursing (ok - he likes to KICK me), but if I bring his legs up a bit higher, he will simply curl up and nurse. Aiden likes to have his feet out of the covers when falling asleep (but you can cover them after he's asleep). In the morning, he loves to try to play with my nose and mouth - he thinks it's funny, especially when I tell him no and try to move my face away.

Basically, we have found out that this really works for us. I know that many of you are saying "no way" to something like this. And that's fine. Feel free to share what DOES work for you and why. :) Any questions for us, ask away.

Here are a few links in case you are interested. I recommend glancing through them. I have found that this is a VERY INTERESTING topic.

Dr. Sears website - on cosleeping.
Some info on safety things to consider (also Dr. Sears)
Great article with lots of STATS (this article was referred to often in the reading I did)
Dr. McKenna & some articles by him can be found here. He has done a TON of research in this area.
Safe Co-Sleeping article.
Another article - long but good.

Remember, if you are reading this in facebook or via email subscription, comment HERE on the blog. Let's keep the discussion all in one place! Also, please use your name - it's only fair! Thanks!

Be sure to vote on the poll, too - whether you comment or not! It's on the top right corner.

The Great Thing About Parenting...

...is that you get to choose your own way.

As a parent, you have the choice for HOW you parent your children, with very few exceptions. There are so many different ways to do everything, and many of those choices can lead people to judge you as a parent, as a person in general. But the thing is, there are basically no wrong ways to do things, just different ones.

True, there are extremes - ways that we will all (hopefully) agree are not healthy and do more harm than good. But this isn't about extremes such as child abuse, neglect, etc. I'm talking about choosing things like circumcision, diapering, parenting approaches. And while I may have my own opinions about what is right for my family, many others choose to do things differently. And that's perfectly ok.

I have a lot of friends that think similarly to me when it comes to parenting. We agree on the things we do, don't do, believe, etc. I have many friends that are NOT like-minded when it comes to our parenting approaches. And I have friends where we overlap and have a bit of both going on. In fact, one of my best friends...while we are very similar ourselves and our values, there are some great differences when it comes to parenting. We recognized early on that this could be a source of tension between us. So what did we do? We agreed to simply overlook those differences and agree that we could be different and not let it affect our friendship. And we haven't looked back! Every now and then we might say "yeah, you do that differently." But that's as far as it goes. No harm.

I know a lot of people can easily judge other parents, especially mothers (judging other mothers), when they see things done differently than they would. I think this happens especially when people don't see or understand the motivation behind the practice. Or they may not have learned about a specific approach. I think we can all benefit from knowing people that take different routes with parenting. We don't learn if we are only surrounded by like-minded people. And we need to create safe places to share how we do things, what we know, how we think so that we can learn from one another - or at least understand where others are coming from.

So...in light of that, I'm willing to share a few things myself. And hopefully open up some dialogue. This is not to be a debate or to open up any sort of heated discussion. I'm willing to go into more detail about any of these topics, sharing more of my reasoning and how I came to parent this way. I have realized how parenting is a constantly evolving practice. I am a completely different parent with my infant now than I was when Camden was the same age. I want the same things for my children, but I have learned different approaches.

Like I said, this isn't meant to be a DEBATE. The point being to share what we do, what we've learned, what we know or want to know, give suggestions, etc. The point is NOT to state what is "right" or to judge others for their approaches. I think when we start to judge or believe that our own way is the only way, we end up hurting ourselves and we close ourselves off from learning more. My ways are in no way my "own." I did not create them completely on my own. I take in a lot of information (I research so much, it's crazy), ask all kinds of people their opinions, and I use it all to come up with what I want for my family. My ways are not right for everyone. No one way is right for everyone. So, whaddya say? Can we share and discuss without judging? If so, great. If not, hit the road Jack, 'cause this ain't the place for you. :) (And if comments get out of hand, I will moderate as needed - meaning those comments will not get posted.)

To start off, here are some topics and a brief (and I mean brief) statement on what we do. I'll post about each one individually. Please stay tuned and join the discussions! And bring your friends along for the ride.

• Diapering. We use gdiapers and cloth.
• Circumcision. We did not.
• Vaccinations. Yes, we do - but on our own schedule.
• Crying it out. Nope. Don't do it.
• Co-sleeping. We do now. (Maybe this will be the first one...b/c I think almost nobody knows this about us and most are probably very surprised.)
• Breastfeeding. Huge fans!
• Baby Food. Did it later than four months, and we make our own.
• Television & Other Media. Less is more. And none for baby.
• Car seats & seat belts. This is a HUGE topic for me!! You'll see why.
• Miscellaneous. How 'bout we talk about BPA, PVC, pthalates, organics, etc, etc.....

Did I miss anything?? Let me know if you think of anything I should add!

Now, while I said before that I think it is unfair to judge people on their parenting approaches, I must add this... I think it is VERY unfair and very wrong to judge someone when you are not experienced with it or when you have not taken the time and energy to learn about the topic. Can you really argue what vaccination schedule is best when you haven't researched it? What about circumcision? Have you researched both sides? I tend to research all of this in depth. It's not always necessary, true. But I want to know WHY I am parenting a certain way. And I would always rather be safe than sorry. I don't just go with the flow - I learn and make choices based on what fits our family best.

Some could say I'm "picky," but I like to think that
I parent with purpose.

And I can always tell you why I do something. Ask me. Really. I am very comfortable sharing why I parent the way I do.

If someone disagrees, that's ok. But I do not think it's ok to tell someone they are wrong if you do not know the topic well and cannot explain why you think they are wrong without something to back you up (other than opinion). I think we should all be able to share our parenting ideas and approaches, learn from one another, and be ok parenting differently. Besides, does it really hurt one family if another does things a little bit differently than them??

I think life would be rather boring if we all did everything the same way, don't you?

So, let's get started! :) If you want - you can subscribe to my blog in your reader, you can access the posts via facebook in the notes section, you can follow in blogger, and you can subscribe via email. With email - for some reason, for a while there the posts were not going out each day like they should...some were going out after a week sometimes? So...consider that and check back here, too. It seems to be working just fine now, though! Also, please comment HERE on the BLOG - not via email or facebook. Let's keep it all in one place, folks. :) And please include your name when you comment - it's only fair, even if it's just a first name.

Looking forward to it!

This is what happens when...

...you ground your nine-year-old from any and all media.

He gets all creative and makes his own fun. :)
How 'bout that?



(Idea courtesy of Highlights)


He didn't have anything that looked like a baseball (or a marble, like the magazine suggested), but he DID have this tiny soccer ball, which was just as good, as far as he was concerned.

Being grounded is such a drag, huh?

Oh, and then he spent the rest of the day playing outside.
Harsh.

HOT TOPIC - Cloth Versus Disposable Diapers

A friend of mine, Gwenn, does Hot Topic discussions on her blog. I am joining in as a "guest blogger" and doing the Hot Topic this week: Cloth vs Disposable Diapers. Well, cloth versus disposable versus gdiapers. Please join in on the discussion by leaving a comment (or more - especially after seeing what others have to say). There is one big rule we all need to adhere to: use your NICE WORDS. These can get pretty heated because people have different opinions. It's fine to voice your opinion even if it's different, and it's encouraged. But we all need to be nice. With that said, here we go!!!

With my first son (nine and a half years ago), I never questioned using disposable diapers. It was just a given. I didn't consider how much waste was being produced and what I was adding to the landfills. Or what was IN the diapers and, therefore, going against my son's bum all day long. When I got pregnant this time around, I was in a different place and doing a lot of things differently - I was more green, to say the least. So, when I heard about gdiapers, I was immediately sold! These are a mix between cloth and disposable - an outer cloth pant with a snap-in waterproof liner (not plastic!) and then flushable (yes, flushable! or even compostable!!) inserts. The insert is the "disposable" part - you can toss them, too. They decompose within a couple months, whereas a disposable diaper takes more than 500 years. Anyway, we used these right away with our new baby that was born in August - left the hospital with them on him. And we've never gone back.

We have gone a little farther, though. We now use cloth inserts that a lady makes to fit the g's (here is her website in case you're curious - you know you are!). I never would have thought I would be using cloth diapers, but here I am loving it. We use the g's with cloth during the day and BumGenius cloth diapers at night (since he pees a lot but we don't change during the nighttime - they hold a lot and keep him dry). I am happy to say that we have not bought him any disposable diapers - oh, wait - we have. We bought one package of Seventh Generation diapers when he was first born, as a backup to the g's since they were a new concept and to use during those middle of the night changes that happen with every feeding with a newborn (so that we didn't need to have a light on to change the "new" diapers). We didn't even use the whole package.

So, here are some of my thoughts on the cloth versus disposable debate.... And in case you're wondering, I lump g's in with the cloth side b/c they do have a cloth component, the flushables are, well, flushable and decompose so much quicker than typical disposable, and - we use cloth in the gdiapers...

Cost - Disposables are not cheap, we all can admit to that! Cloth has a big start-up cost, but that's about it. Yes, you have to wash them, which uses money, but we use an energy efficient washer/dryer, so it doesn't factor in as a higher cost with us. Once you have a supply of cloth, there is no more cost. It can be a couple to a few hundred dollars for the cloth supply versus a couple thousand dollars for disposables.

Baby's Skin - Ok, another argument is that cloth is better for baby's bottom. Disposables have chemicals and plastics in them. Cloth does not (and you can get organic, if that suits you). Many say babies in cloth get less rashes. I don't know about this myself b/c my little one gets rashes very easily - but he has had skin issues since birth and has eczema, so it's not because of the type of diapers. (Though I wonder if it would be worse in disposables with all those chemicals - I can't see how that is good for the skin.) BUT many people (not accusing anybody but this is what I have heard and seen) think that b/c disposables are made to keep baby feeling dry, they can leave the diaper on longer. With cloth, that's not an option. I actually change diapers more often in cloth - more than many would do - b/c of his skin issues. But since I'm using cloth and it just adds a couple other diapers to the laundry load (that I would be washing anyway), it doesn't cost me more to change more often. It would with disposables. And when disposables are kept on baby longer - even if they feel dry, they still have urine up against their skin for longer, which exposes them to bacteria and other things that cause rashes and infections.

Environmental Impact - This is a BIG one for many that use cloth. Disposable diapers contribute an enormous amount to our landfills, and they take over 500 YEARS to decompose. Cloth is a greener option b/c you reuse them. You can even use the supply from one child for other children you may later have. Some say that once you factor in the use of water/energy to wash the cloth, using cloth isn't much better than disposables from a "green" standpoint. But this isn't necessarily true, especially if you use an energy efficient washer/dryer. Then you are certainly not using enough water/energy to make that a good argument.

The poop - Ok, ok - cloth can be messy. I know you're thinking that. BUT I don't see this as a great argument against cloth. While baby is exclusively breastfed (I don't know as much about formula fed b/c mine does not get formula), you simply throw the poopy diapers in with the others and wash - there is nothing to get out of the cloth b/c it (sorry if this is gross, but we ARE talking diapers here) is runny and is absorbed into the cloth. Now, once baby is on solids, there is "real" poop, and you can't throw that in the wash, no. Some "swish" it in the toilet to get it off. We have a diaper sprayer, so we touch no poop. Spray and throw in the diaper pail with the others. Simple. Now - disposable diapers... If you read the directions, you really are supposed to put the poop into the toilet before throwing out the diaper. You are not supposed to put human waste into the garbage. But who does this?? If you use disposables, do you shake out the poop and flush it down? Or do you wrap up the diaper, poop and all, and toss? I have never seen anyone flush it before throwing out the dipe. If you do, GREAT! But I've never witnessed it. Allowing the fecal matter to get into the trash takes it into landfills, where it will sit. And the bacteria and possible viruses can live in the landfills for a long time and possibly contaminate water supplies.

Laundry - Another one that many people seem to think is a good argument. You'll be doing so much laundry if you use cloth. No fun. Well, not-so-much. If you have a baby, you know you are already doing a TON of laundry. Probably every other day or so. We do. So, what is another load along with that? I wash the diapers every three days, at least. It's simply one other load to do, and it's not a lot of work. Dump the diapers in the washer (I don't have to touch them b/c they're in a lined bag, so I just push them out from the bottom of the bag and throw in the bag, as well), do the wash, put them in the dryer, and then fold. Whoop-de-do, right? :) I feel that it takes just as much time to do this as it would to have to go buy diapers and take them out to the trash when the pail is full of dirties. And I spend no time trying to find coupons or the best deal on diapers. I know if I used disposable, this would be another effort I would have to make. If you really aren't into the laundering thing, another option is using a diaper service. This would still cost less than using disposables, from what I understand.

Another issue with laundry is what to launder with, as in detergent. You can't just use any ol' detergent and you can't use fabric softeners. They coat the cloth and will prevent absorbancy. We have looked into this some and use the same detergent for all of our laundry (and it's one that's better for the environment than most typical detergents). We use Country Save and love it so far. We also cut out using fabric softeners and use dryer balls. So the detergent issue isn't really an issue for us b/c we found something that works for the diapers and everything else. Just thought I would mention in case some people were thinking they would have to use a separate detergent for the diapers (which I guess I'm saying you kinda do). Also, the detergent we use is cheaper than most. We bought a case from Amazon and got a two-three years' supply for $40 (when using subscribe and save), free shipping - not bad. This stuff is better for the environment and better for us anyway, especially with both boys having eczema - and Aiden's being pretty bad and easily aggravated.

Potty Training - Ahhhhh...potty training. I haven't experienced this with a child that has been in cloth diapers yet, but it is said that babes in cloth potty train earlier. They feel wet when they go in the cloth, unlike when they wear disposables. Now, when my older child was potty training, I will say that I did NOT use pull-ups. In my opinion, they are just disposables that pull up instead of fasten with tabs. I did use cloth trainers. And he was trained in NO time. Seriously.

gDiapers - I haven't really said much about these like I meant to. So, I'll just write a little bit here. G's are kind of the best of both worlds - disposable inserts with cloth pants and a waterproof (that is not plastic so it is breathable) liner. About 18 BILLION diapers go into landfills each year, taking about 500 years to break down. gDiapers take just a couple months to break down. There is an obvious and significant difference there. And there are no plastics, chemicals, chlorine, perfumes, etc. Oh - and no diaper smell!! I mean, if you flush the insert with all the pee and poop down the toilet, you have no diapers sitting around, and therefore...no smell. (I can honestly say, though, that the only time I smell any "diaper smell" from using cloth is when I open the pail to take out the bag of diapers to put them in the laundry - and really, I can hold the bag closed and barely smell a thing!) Some people say that gdiapers are more expensive, but I would have to disagree. They are actually about the same. The cost of disposables goes up with the size changes (I can't remember if the dollar amt per package goes up or if the amount of diapers in the package goes down, but the cost per diaper does increase.) With g's, there are two sizes of inserts - small and med/large. After all things are considered, the cost is very similar. And from what I hear, the cost of disposables is going up lately. The cost of g's is not. (Plus, if you use cloth.....well, then the cost definitely does not increase.)

Oh, and we use cloth wipes, too! We actually just bought some microfiber cloths (from Target - in the automotive department, of all places!). They were really cheap and do a great job. So, one more thing we never have to shop for. And we don't have to worry about all the things they put in disposable wipes. This wasn't something we planned on doing (whereas the diapers were planned). Our little one had some skin issues when he was born, and we didn't want anything to contribute and possibly make things worse, especially while we were still going through all the tests to find out what was going on. So, it was a very easy decision for us to eliminate any possible skin irritants, such as the disposables and wipes.

OK, so I think that's the majority of my argument. You might say I'm a little biased. ;) And I think my baby's bottom would agree with me. Plus, cloth diapering is just CUTE! Case in point...

Now, it's your turn. Say what you think BUT keep it clean and keep it nice. And be sure to read others' comments and comment again, if you would like.