I've realized that it's just not easy to notice God's blessings when you're going through something that completely rips your world to shreds. God's blessings are all around us, but sometimes you have to be ready to recognize them, or at least know to make yourself notice them.
Even though it's June and is, what, 100 degrees outside, Aiden asked me to read God Gave Us Christmas the other day. It's one of our favorite Christmas stories because it focuses on what we feel is the real meaning of Christmas - the birth of Jesus Christ. There is mention of Santa Claus, but the mama character in the story tries to take the focus off Santa without bashing the idea of him, and brings forward the focus of God and Jesus. When Little Cub wants to go out and find Santa, mama says Santa is hard to find..but God is easy to find; God is everywhere. So, they set off on an adventure to find God and learn how God gave us Christmas. He's part of the Northern Lights, a glacier falling into the sea, a bright star shining in the darkness, and many other things they see and experience on their trip.
After reading this, I felt the need to get outside and feel some sunshine on us. Aiden wasn't really in the mood to go outside (that kid is content to stay inside most of the time!), but when I suggested we go out and "find God" ourselves, he loved that idea. So, off we went. And we found God in many things...the wind blowing through our hair, the feel of the sun on our backs, the flowers (weeds) growing along the road. I found Him in my little boy that ran and giggled in front of me.
Yesterday, Aiden asked if we could go out and find God again. Off we went for a walk around the neighborhood. As soon as we felt a breeze on our faces, Aiden whispered, "Do you feel that, mama?"
That kid really makes me smile.
So, this week I've learned that amidst all this difficulty and sadness and confusion going on around us, we have to stop and intentionally notice God's blessings. They're there. I've found God in several things this week... My littlest child laughing, his cuddles as we read bedtime stories. My husband, cooking yet another dinner (he has done all of the cooking
since my HG kicked in a month ago) or running out to pick up something
my stomach could tolerate when I couldn't eat dinner. My oldest son stopping to give me a big hug out of nowhere. The garbage man telling me I have a beautiful smile. My youngest asking to go find God and telling me where he feels Him.
Last night, I crawled into bed and felt a little person snuggle into me. Aiden has been sleeping in our bed since I got pregnant. He doesn't know I'm pregnant, but he did notice how things changed when I got sick. Sadly, he got less attention from me because I just wasn't able to do some of the things I usually do with him. I think he felt the need to be closer to me and therefore found his way back into our bed. As soon as I climb in, even though he's already asleep, he pushes his body against mine and sleeps close to me all night. Last night, he did the same, and as I lay there in the dark, I felt his soft breathing against my arm. I just let myself lie there and enjoy feeling his breath, and I felt as if I could almost hear him say, "Do you feel that, mama? That's God."