First off, Happy New Year!! We spent ours in our own living room. Actually, Camden and I baked up some brownies while we enjoyed our new Wii Fit - that's a little contradictory, isn't it? Brownies and the Wii Fit at the same time?? Ha. Then we parked ourselves on the couch to watch a movie that ended just in time to watch the ball drop. And we toasted with sparkling Pomegranate juice from Trader Joe's (which was very yummy and made this breastfeeding-and-unable-to-drink-wine-or-champagne mommy pretty happy). Actually, Ryan was working until after midnight, but that's another story for another time. And I have no qualms about it b/c he's basically my hero. And we're not huge New Year's partiers anyway.
Ok, now... It's a new year, and this is when many people thing "new start," too, right? You get out some paper and write down your New Year's Resolutions. Right? Good for you. I gave up on that quite a few years ago. Like most people, they were usually broken or forgotten before February arrived. And they usually are things centered on health or relationships or whatever. Well, I would rather not try to force myself to suddenly change my habits just b/c it's a "new" year. Not that I think it's wrong to have resolutions. If that's your thing, that's cool. It's just not mine.
There are some things I would like to do differently this year, though. They just aren't "resolutions" - rather, they are things I am thinking about and hoping to work on throughout the coming months/years/etc. Not things I expect to change cold-turkey. So, with that in mind, here is what I would like to do differently....
I would like to stop wasting my energy on people that aren't willing to waste their energy on me. There's a nice one, huh? For those people that I try to make plans with or I email, call, write, etc and they never reciprocate or follow through...why should I keep trying so hard? If it's not important to you, it really shouldn't be so for me. It's a waste of my energy, and I'm sure I can find somewhere more useful to put it. For those people that we try to pretend we are friends but we really have so little in common - or so much in opposition, I guess I should say - what is the point? I wonder sometimes. Some people I have tried to get along with b/c I feel like I should for various reasons. But really, it's just an emotional drain on me. You don't care. Maybe God isn't calling me to befriend you after all, for your sake or for mine. It's just frustrating. And I should be spending my energy on people who do care or who lift me up, not the opposite.
Do I sound bitter here at all? I hope not. If so, I really don't mean to. Just trying to be straightforward. I feel that I easily waste so much time on people that aren't going to do the same. I've tried to be a support for others that really won't do the same for me. I've tried to justify myself to people that don't agree with things I do. And why? I know plenty other people that WILL support me and that ARE like-minded. I need to focus more on those friendships and not worry about the others. I would rather spend my energy being grateful for those people than frustrated by others. By the way, if you're wondering if you are one of those people....if you are bothering to spend time reading my blog, chances are, you're not. And chances are, if you are one of those people, you either don't care or are too (I'm drawing a blank on finding just the right word here...) to realize it.
One thing I would really love to be able to do is start waking up earlier... As an insomniac, that is something I have struggled with my entire life. No kidding. Ask my mother. Ask my husband. Ask my son (sad, huh?). I have always had such a difficult time going to sleep, yet I need a lot of it. Then I sleep in. And a terrible cycle has been created that I have a hard time breaking. I constantly say I'm going to start getting up earlier (so I can go to sleep earlier and continue in a better cycle), but it never happens. I LOVE sleep, and in the mornings, the motivation to get up is bettered by my motivation to get just a little more shut-eye - even if that means I have no time to fix my hair the way I want and spend the day wishing I had or I just feel crappy b/c I, once again, have slept in, etc, etc. I've taken medications to help me sleep - even found one that really helps, but I can't take it while nursing, and don't really want to take it while I have a baby sleeping in my home even if I wasn't nursing. But I would really like to break this cycle and learn to get out of bed earlier. I would love to be one of those moms that is up early enough to have breakfast with her child before he runs off to school. Ryan is the one that gets Camden on the bus these days while I sleep in with the baby. He will excuse things away for me (you just had a baby - you need the rest). While the excuses are often very valid, they're still excuses, and I'm tired of them. And I need to enlist his help for this to work. Really. I will sleep through the loudest alarm clock. Again, ask my mother (who would be woken by my alarm from one end of a very long house while I sleep through it on the complete opposite end...)
I would love to say that this year I will get more exercise. I will be more organized. I will lose my temper less. I will have a cleaner home. I will lose those last five pounds (ok - I DID lose all the baby weight in no time - you can hate me, that's ok, remember the energy thing I'm going to do differently....but I was five pounds heavier than my desired weight before getting pregnant, so that five pounds still needs to go...). But let's face it. Those things do not happen - not longer than the first month or so. Typically. Those are year-round struggles for me, not things I just resolve to do differently because it's a new year. I'm already "resolving" to do them. These other two are ones I would really like to focus on. In general - not just for New Years.
So - what about you guys?? First, any special things you did to celebrate and welcome the new year? And do you do "resolutions"? Where would you like to see changes occur in your lives?