Our family is growing in many ways... Growing in numbers, knowledge, parenting skills, growing in love, in our faith, growing our culinary skills (if you can call it that), growing without gluten (some of us), growing green...........

Sunday, July 6, 2008

"Mommy, I want to come HOME."

It's that time of year again where Camden has his BIG visit with his dad and their family. He goes to KY for 4 whole weeks, which is hard on mommy. He's always fine with it and has a lot of fun. This time has been a little different, though. He stayed a few days with my mother and his cousin (who is a year older than him) before going to his dad's, and he is getting an extra couple days at his dad's so that we will meet again on a weekend day (well, Ryan will b/c it will be too far along in the pregnancy for me to travel). So, instead of 4 weeks, it's really almost 5. When getting ready to leave him last week, he even said to me, "Why can't you stay?" I was surprised but didn't think much of it. I reminded him that Ryan had to go back to work the next day. He wasn't upset, though. Of course, I cried when we hugged and said our goodbyes, as we were pulling away, and for a while on the road. It's just such a long time away from my baby - and such a big distance, too.

Camden and I saying "Goodbye" for the next month. :(

The next night, Camden called me at 10pm, which surprised me. He kept saying things were fine and he just wanted to talk, though he never calls me - I always call. (I even ask him when he wants me to call him so that I'm not crowding him - even if it's hard to wait, though he usually asks me to call every or every other day.) But he finally admitted he was homesick. He said, "I want to come home." And I could soon tell he was crying, given away by his sniffles and me asking - is your nose running or are you crying? My child has NEVER been homesick in his life (and neither have I, so this is new to me in many ways). Hearing him so sad and crying on the other line just tore my heart into pieces. We both talked and cried for the next hour until he got off to go to bed. He kept telling me he wanted me to come and get him, he wanted me there, he wanted to come home. The hardest part was just not being able to do what BOTH of us wanted (of course I wanted to bring him home!!!) and knowing that he was far away, hurting - too far for me to be able to comfort him. I couldn't hold him or rub his back and sing to him while he went to sleep. I could only talk to him over the phone lines. This was definitely one of the most difficult conversations I have ever had with him - maybe it was the most up to this point even. For once, I looked at Ryan and said, "I don't know what to tell him. I don't know what to do to help him." And that is very hard for a mom.

He's doing better now. Sounds great when we talk and says that he's not as homesick, though he admits he's still a little homesick. I think it surprised him so much b/c it was his first time, and surely that made it harder on him and scared him some. He's getting older and is starting to see things differently, and perhaps that's part of the reason he suddenly got homesick this time. Sometimes it hurts me a little to know that I am missing him like crazy while he's having too much fun to think about missing me. But after this call, I know it feels worse to know he misses me and that he is hurting. It hurts me more b/c I can't do anything to fix it for him, and that's what I always want to do - to make it better. That's my job as his mommy.

Camden wanted a picture with my belly showing. :)
He's so sweet and is really excited about Aiden arriving.
He keeps saying, "I can't wait for it to be August already!"

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