I had a dream the other night. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep, couldn't stop thinking. The dream wasn't directly related to Aiden being born, and I actually can't remember now what the dream was about, but I know it made me realize something I hadn't consciously been aware of.
I have been telling Ryan that I'm not sure I'm quite ready for the little guy to come out of my belly and into the "real world." It's not that I'm not ready to hold him and take care of him. I just love having him in there and with me all the time, with just me (yes, I'll admit that!). Right now, he's all mine, but soon I'll have to share him. We joke about that because once he's out, Ryan will get to take him, too. He'll tell Aiden through my belly, mommy will have to share you with me soon!
But what got me thinking this night when I woke up was the fact that, I have to share him with the world now, but in a different way. In my belly, I am the one taking care of him. I take care of myself, and he gets everything he needs through me. I know he is safe and healthy in there. He has everything he needs. Once he is out in the world, though, he is exposed to so much more. I'm not just talking about germs and such, though that's there, too. Other people can affect him, can do him good or harm, can teach him things, can expose him to all sorts of things. I'm not at all worried about Ryan taking care of him. I know he will be fantastic. But I have to think about how others will treat him, what they can and will do to him and for him. I have to worry about what he'll learn, what he'll eat, wear, everything.
The world can be a scary place, and now Aiden will be exposed to that instead of only experiencing the warmth and safety of my belly. He will soon be able to experience discomfort, pain, cold, hunger. There is just so much that can affect him once he's out of me, and there is so much to consider. I love having him in my belly and knowing that he is in the best place possible. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared. Just as all you other parents, I want the best for my child. I want to know he's protected, he's happy, and that he's getting the absolute best he can possibly have. And soon it will take more than my body to ensure that.